


Lullaby

by Colamiilk



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: 100th fic!, Angst, Babi Giriko, Dumb Romantic, Giriko POV, Giriko screws this up so hard it works, Headcanons(?), Hurt/Comfort, Idk I'm not set on all of this but I guess they are, Like real over the top, Lullabies, M/M, Nah not really but him as a kid, We made it boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 07:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colamiilk/pseuds/Colamiilk
Summary: Trying one last time to think of something, anything to do so he wouldn’t have to just sit here watching Justin suffer, he felt his heart twist up weirdly and bile climb up his throat… Something had happened inside of him. He had come to some sort of epiphany or realization unconsciously.---Goretober 2019! Day 28: Memories





	Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> My 50th fic was actually in last year's goretober... which means I've written 50 fics in the past year! Isn't that crazy? I can't even wrap my head around that tbh... I had a real dry spell over the winter too so I really must've gone wild starting spring or something. Anyway 100th fic!! 
> 
> Also idk what this is but I always wanted to do a fic based on lullabies for them and this is what happened. I did a few drafts for a Justin version but it needs some more time if I'm going to go through with it.

Giriko and Justin didn’t have an analog clock in their room, or really anywhere for that matter. They of course had  _ clocks _ , just not that type. Justin had a digital one that was glaring red so he could wake up at the fucking buttcrack of dawn and go off to torture people or whatever the fuck he did in the academy. That was besides the point though, the point was that Giriko hadn’t heard the ticking of an analog clock since he was back in Loew, possibly before this life. He wasn’t all that sure, his lives kinda all blended together and it was hard to tell where one ended and the next one started. It wasn’t like analog clocks were so obviously outdated that it was impossible for him to have had one in this life, but he really wasn’t sure if he had moved on from them in the last life or not. 

Giriko sighed, he was getting off track again. It was hard not to consider how long he had been laying here, holding Justin’s limp and tired body as he stared holes into the ceiling. He couldn’t fucking sleep, which was probably why his delusionally tired mind started to hear the ticking of a clock he knew didn’t exist. A couple times he tried to shake the sound out of his mind only to be disappointed when it came back 3 seconds later. Never in his life had he wished Justin wore his headphones to bed, but god if he didn’t want that distracting rhythmic buzz right now to silence the false noise driving him crazy. 

Normally he’d just go do fucking whatever and not lay here aimlessly trying and failing to sleep, but right now that wasn’t really an option. He could get up if he really wanted to, but it wouldn’t be a great idea considering the fact that Justin was still very much awake and clinging to him like he’d die the second they were separated. Neither of them had said anything before this or during this or at all really. It had just been at least 3 hours of them lying in a weird dead silence, the only noise the whirring of a fan crammed in their window to try and combat the hot sticky nights of summer. 

It wasn’t an uncomfortable situation, they had been together long enough that a long silence like this really wasn’t anything to sneeze at, but it was boring as hell. Well… it was for Giriko. Justin was clearly thinking himself to death about something, but he wasn’t sharing what and Giriko wasn’t really interested in asking. The kid was being real fucking bratty holding Giriko down like this so he could use him as a damn teddy bear. Also there was a good chance that talking to him would only be met with a subdued, haughty tantrum. So that, plus the fact that Giriko wasn’t too interested in letting Justin know this was a good way to get attention, made him completely unwilling to ask what was wrong.

When this had all started Giriko had been trying to get the energy to take a shower, and had in fact complained to Justin that he had been  _ ‘just about to do it!’ _ even though he knew he was probably just going to sit there depressed for another hour. He really wasn’t in a state where he had the ability to do anything but sit here and wait for the brat to fall asleep. Which hadn’t seemed all that bad at the time, but now felt like a fucking punishment. What the hell could Justin be thinking about that would keep him up for 3 hours while cuddling into Giriko’s side in pitch darkness? How hadn’t he fallen asleep already? 

He knew Justin was a bit of an insomniac who had weird episodes where he did fucking nothing but work for days on end, but surely if that was the case here he wouldn’t just be laying face first in Giriko’s stomach like this… Or at least Giriko was fairly certain he wouldn’t be. He was never quite sure when it came to Justin. And really, how could he be? It was always like this, he’d feel like he had finally reached some level of understanding the brat and then would have the rug pulled out from under him as he was forced to realize that nope he still had no idea what was happening. Sighing Giriko shook Justin’s shoulder gently.

“Justin, get up. You’ve already proved you can’t sleep it off so just tell me what's wrong.” Justin made a long whine in compliant, the sad pathetic tone of it was really the only thing saving him from being thrown off of Giriko for ignoring his gracious fucking attempt to make it better. This was so ridiculous, he was sick of sitting here with his stupid scythe trying to squeeze the life out of him. Giriko grabbed Justin’s soft blonde curls and yanked him backwards, forcing him to let go and arch his back to not have his scalp torn off. Giriko had been planning to turn this into a fight that’d let him storm out, or at least into teasing situation where things would be less boring. Neither of those things happened.

Justin’s face was exhausted, his eyes were caved in and looked hollow and sunken. The brat looked so run down and neglected from the obvious lack of care he had been giving himself that Giriko felt his stomach turn. It was horrible to have to see Justin looking so sick, but that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was how desperate Justin looked. It was obvious he wasn’t going to fight here, if Giriko wanted to leave, Justin wouldn’t stop him. Hell, if he wanted to beat the kid unconscious it looked like he could do it without any kind of resistance. Giriko had known Justin was upset… but this was too much. He didn’t want to see Justin looking at him for pity. 

Letting go of the scythe’s fluffy hair Giriko felt something sharp lodge in his throat when Justin’s head fell back down immediately. Justin wasn’t trying to do anything anymore, he was as limp as a corpse on top of Giriko. This was… Giriko didn’t know how to deal with this. This wasn’t something he had ever had to deal with before, Justin always had some aura of self control, he was always moving forward even when he was hurt or overworked or whatever. In all the time they had been together he had really only taken care of Justin when the kid was acting like a brat and wanted attention. This wasn’t the same thing. Justin wasn’t looking for his attention at all, just the comfort of having him close. That was a lot to take in. 

Giriko had never realized until now how much he appreciated the kid acting like a brat. When Justin was pushy and said what he wanted and how he wanted it it came across as fucking insufferable, but Giriko was starting to realize he really needed that direction. He had no fucking clue how to actually take care of someone. He needed Justin guiding him through it and tell him how it worked in that bratty way that wouldn’t make him feel bad about not knowing how to have a proper relationship. Justin wasn’t doing that for him anymore. Justin didn’t have enough strength left in him to do that anymore. 

Panic started to flick up in Giriko’s soul as he stared down at the listless scythe. What the hell was he going to do? He was planning to just leave Justin to sulk about it himself but after that look that was the last fucking thing he wanted to do. Something was seriously wrong with the brat. This wasn’t how he was supposed to act when he was upset, he was supposed to tease or whine or be a general asshole and smile in that annoying fucking way when he got Giriko to do what he wanted. This was wrong. This was all wrong. 

He… how was he supposed to comfort someone? How did Justin comfort him? He usually held him, right? Why wasn’t that working then? He had been holding Justin for hours and the kid only seemed to be getting worse… What was he supposed to do here? Rifling through his hazy memories of far too many past lives he tried to find something that’d help here. It wasn’t really working. He really hadn’t had many people he actually cared about in his lives, especially not enough to comfort them. He wasn’t the type to do this shit and people never really came to him because they knew he wasn’t. Why was Justin looking to him for this? Why was Giriko, past all the panic, the slightest bit happy he was? 

That tiny warm feeling bubbling past all the pain of seeing Justin so broken down might end up being ripped away soon enough though. He was coming to a dead end, he couldn’t think of anyway to deal with this and if Justin didn’t get better on his own soon he’d have to call one of the bastard academy members to take care of the kid for him. As awful as this was and as much as he didn’t want to deal with it, he also did. Justin had come to him and he didn’t want that to be remembered as a bad idea. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, he wasn’t sure if he had ever been willing to do this. He also wasn’t sure if he had never been trusted to do this. Calling the academy the last thing he wanted to do. 

Trying one last time to think of something,  _ anything  _ to do so he wouldn’t have to just sit here watching Justin suffer, he felt his heart twist up weirdly and bile climb up his throat… Something had happened inside of him. He had come to some sort of epiphany or realization unconsciously. There was just something he knew now, he didn’t know what it was, but as his mouth opened and air collected on the back of his tongue as he got ready to shape words, he knew whatever was next was going to hit him like a landslide.

“Little one, it’s time to lay down your weary head.” There was a moment of crushing silence right after he said it. Justin went stiff as a board before finally starting to move. The way the brat peeked upwards with one sad but undeniably curious eye would’ve made Giriko pass out in relief if it weren’t for the fact that he was trying to process what he had said himself. It had been long over 800 years since those words had touched air, and was the first time they had ever been spoken by Giriko himself. A lullaby, given to him back before any of this had ever started. Back when he still had a mother. 

“Little one, don’t let your worries to turn to dread.” Justin’s body left alive again, he wasn’t moving at all, but he wasn’t limp anymore, he was holding himself at attention and watching Giriko in silent amazement. From the way the scythe was staring one would suspect he was watching a miracle unfold. Which wasn’t too far off. Giriko wasn’t sure what he was doing, he had wanted to make Justin feel better but… this felt like too much. He had actual children before, he had families in his past lives and had never done anything like this. He supposed none of them had been Justin though.

“The ones you fear will keep you safe.” From the way Justin’s hands were bunching into his shirt as he leaned in closer to Giriko, it seemed like he wasn’t upset about whatever he had been upset about anymore. In fact, Justin was actually starting to relax. For once he had done something right, he was so relieved he sighed out all his panic and stress about this shit and held Justin close. He could stop now, there was no reason to continue…

“Once they get a look at your pretty face.” Giriko had said it right up against Justin’s ear, the shiver he got in response was more than perfect and he smiled into sweet smelling blonde hair. That was all the encouragement he needed to finish this long dead song, but also… he felt like he had an obligation to see it to the end. He had forgotten about it until now, he needed to hear all of it. To remember everything he had lost around a song that was apparently so important it had been kept safe in his mind through every soul transfer, every life, every year. 

“I’ll be here, I’ll be watching.” Justin made a tiny noise there, a soft sedated whimper that he had clearly been trying very hard to hold back but hadn’t been able to. It was obvious that Justin had picked up that this was something very very important that he couldn’t mess up, but he was struggling to not react. It was cute. It made Giriko laugh softly and rest his chin on the top of Justin’s head and hum for a bit before continuing on. 

“So dry your eyes and-” Giriko’s voice cracked off and his chest caved in with a horrible sinking feeling. Oh. That… that was why this was important. Why he hadn’t forgotten. Justin wiggled a bit, getting Giriko off of his head so he could look up in concern. Neither of them were saying anything, there wasn’t even any kind of silent conversation, there was nothing in the air but raw unfiltered emotions. Nothing but Giriko’s pure devastation. Blinking a bit of the shock away Giriko forced himself to focus in on Justin’s shining blue eyes. Justin was here. Justin was here and he wasn’t alone. Justin was waiting for him to decide what to do next. His mouth felt dry.

“Dry your eyes and hide in my coffin.” Justin flinched a bit with those words, subconsciously trying to run away from it all. Giriko held tighter. He knew even without that reminder Justin wouldn’t have actually run, but he wanted to make sure. He needed the brat here right now. He needed to finish this song and wouldn’t be able to manage it on his own. 

“When they come I’ll be forgotten.” Honey brown hair, the color Justin so often compared to fields of golden wheat, tied up into a short ponytail that looked more like a bunch of spikes than hair. Sharp teeth and a broken nose that had never healed right. A woman who hated and screamed expletives at everyone because the world had fucking abandoned her and her son. A woman who never sang, not until that night. Not until she had to remind Giriko that there was nothing to be scared of. That being separated was nothing to be scared of.

“And soon these memories will turn to hazy cotton.” His mother had been crying, but not obviously, she was far too proud for that. They had been looking up at the stars from their shitty tent that people had trashed more than once because they didn’t want squatters ruining their precious scenery. She hadn’t told him what was going to happen, but she had been trying to get him ready for it anyway. She had known he was going to forget. After all, he was so little, how would he remember his own mother if he was taken away and they never spoke of her again? 

“Let’s make this last, make it warm.” He hadn’t known that would be their last day together, he hadn’t known that he’d never see her again when he ripped away his skinned knee and complained that he was too big to need to be kissed better. Giriko lived a life of regrets, and he wasn’t sure if not being there for her was the biggest. It was definitely up there. She had needed him back then but he was too dumb to realize it. He hadn’t seen the end coming so quickly. He had thought they’d always be together because all they had was each other, what else would there be without her?

“I’ll take care of you until the end of this storm.”  _ ‘and I’ll take care of you after that mama’  _ He hadn’t. Her sad smile after those words said that she knew he wouldn’t, that she knew he couldn’t. She was right. It had been such a warm bright morning that no one would expect such hell to happen. There was screaming and people running around when his mother woke him up and wrapped him up in blankets, starting to run before she even finished hiding him. 

Motorized weapons were dangerous, they were capable of so much destruction so quickly that Death wasn’t interested in letting them run around freely. Giriko had been a chainsaw since his very first life, and his mother had been a buzzsaw. They were likened to pitbulls a lot of the time, so dangerous that people avoided them on the streets or screamed them out of stores when they were trying to get food. Giriko’s mother really leaned into the dangerous aspect of things  _ ‘If i’m so fucking dangerous then let me buy your shit before I show you how dangerous I can be!’  _ She liked being threatening, she held her weapon status with pride. The world that hated her was in the wrong and she knew it. Giriko didn’t understand it at the time, but he held being rough and tumble with a lot of pride too, it made his mother smile. She loved how much he took after her and he loved it to. 

Giriko had no idea who told his mother about Arachne, or if anyone had told her at all. Maybe she had just been desperate for anyone who would hide him and knew witches had communities underground far away from where Death would search. Regardless of what it was, she was right. She had found somewhere that Giriko would be safe, where he could live his full life… and then another one…. and another one…. She had given him a future while hers was torn away by the academy. His mother had passed him off to one of Arachne’s followers and turned back with a strength that Giriko had always admired. The last smile she gave him before she ran headlong into the mess of academy members, distracting them with her firey voice and violent behavior so Giriko could run away, it was still burnt frame perfect into his mind.

What had happened to her? What happened after that? He didn’t know. They had started running long before there was any real conclusion to that mess. Had she died? Obviously she was long dead now, but had they killed her that day or did she live the rest of her life? Did they do something else to her that wasn’t death but might as well have been? He didn’t know. He’d never know. His eyes drifted down to see sad worried blue staring up at him, wet and sparkling. He didn’t notice until now, but his face was soaked, he had been crying. He had been crying a lot. 

“Giriko.” Justin’s voice was pained, he was so horribly worried about him that Giriko’s heart burnt in turn. He had been trying to comfort Justin here but he kinda ended up making everything worse… didn’t he? Justin didn’t know what was going on, he had just heard a lullaby that had made Giriko break out into tears. Giriko, who he had definitely never seen cry before. The poor brat was probably dying of confusion right now. Giving out a shaky sigh Giriko smiled and kissed one of Justin’s cheeks, ignoring the upset and concerned noise he got in response entirely. Justin obviously wanted to know what had happened, but that was something that Giriko needed time to tell. If he ever decided that time could come. It might not, and Justin would just have to live with that. He had already heard more than anyone else in the past 800 years had. 

“So… I see you’re up now. What happened? What got you so blue little scythe?” If Giriko wasn’t so exhausted he’d laugh at the dumb expression on Justin’s face right now. It wasn’t often that he caught Justin 30 miles behind him racing to keep up with what was going on, so it was pretty enjoyable to see the scythe try to figure out what was happening and how to react. Both because he loved teasing the other, but also because he loved  _ him _ . Centuries of suffering, of drowning himself in all the horrible things in the world so the pain around him would match the pain inside of him… they were all drawing to a close with a blasphemous little zealot. The far and few warm memories of his past were being brought to life again. Justin was bringing back all the love in his life that had been smothered under years of rage. 

“I-? What happened to  _ you  _ Giriko? That was… what happened?” It was a fair question but Giriko only snorted and ruffled Justin’s hair up until it stuck out in every which way. Justin was still in such shock that he didn’t even get mad about being treated like a small child. Instead he just watched the enchanter with a confused expression, waiting stubbornly for his answer. It wasn’t obvious Justin wasn’t going to rest until he heard  _ something, _ even just a distraction, he clearly wasn’t going to move forward on his own. Giriko rubbed little circles into the scythe’s back as he thought about what to say.

“You know… let’s just agree to not talk about it.” Justin seemed to get that there was no use in arguing and sagged heavily into Giriko’s side, rejected and upset. Giriko felt the slightest bit bad he had just put the brat through that after he was already so upset, but what was done was done. Brushing some of Justin’s bangs back he kissed the other’s forehead and hummed against his soft temple. He’d never in a million years stroke the kid’s ego and let him know how much this all meant to him. How glad he was that he had Justin warm and safe under his arm, looking to him for comfort and giving Giriko his own. 

800 years was a long fucking time to wait, but he had finally found the future his mother had been trying to give him. He was finally here.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me for answers here bc I don't have them. Also there was an actual problem with Justin I was planning on talking about but couldn't get in without things sounding weird. Rip Justin save it for later I guess. 
> 
> Finally if you're interested, some thoughts about hitting 100:
> 
> This is my 100th in a loose way as I've deleted 2 fics in the past and have plenty of fics lost to time on ff.net, but for all intents and purposes this is 100. It's funny that if you were to meet me on the streets I would never claim to be a writer, and have never really considered myself one, but now that I've been writing for ao3 since 2015 and posting fanfic since 2012, I think its inarguable. 
> 
> I'm a little sad that this is 100 because I don't think its very good, but I don't think anything would've felt good enough to me. What doesn't make me sad though is this being Soul Eater. I could not be more happy to reach 100 in this fandom, both because the first fanfic I ever read was for Soul Eater and also because this series has helped me so much with getting some of the most life changing diagnoses a person can hear. 
> 
> However weirdly the story went about it, it was amazing to see well written, likable characters with personality disorders, and knowing that I liked them since before all of this really helped to remind myself that I was still a likable person. I know not everyone likes how I write Justin but to the people who do and have left nice comments about it, thank you so much, you have done so much more for me then you will ever know. 
> 
> Finally to everyone who has ever read my work, will read my work, or whatever else; Thank you for letting me share my work with you. Thank you for your support. My word count at the time of 100 is 400,916 with the addition of this fic.


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